The View From Above...

We were sitting on the second floor of McDonald's today at 7PM. I had my cheeseburger from my happy meal and she had her McChicken with fries. 7PM...that was when the back up plan struck me. Yeah, back up plan for my future career(s). I was looking at the people downstairs who were walking down the streets and I thought, "What is it like to work? Have a career?"

It was a scary thought because what if the career I had in mind all this time didn't work out? I would be stuck without a job and a half failed education. So, I came up with a new plan...
1. Forensic pathologist
2. Nurse (??? XD)
3. Journalist & part time author
(: I'm excited already...<3

Life Refuses To Take Shit From Me

When life is fed up with taking shit from you, it scares you by letting you go for a split second. To me, it's a sign that I should learn to love life more. Take care of it more. . .But how can I? I don't know...It's hard to focus on looking after myself. It's something that I don't do well at all...and I often refuse the care from others. I don't know why I do that either...I guess I'm just paranoid.

16th Floor

1653...We're all up on the 16th floor. When everyone is asleep, it feels like I'm the only one here. It feels like I am the only breathing creature in the entire building. Feeling like the only one comes along with trickling ideas of ending everything. If I soared through the sky from the 16th floor, nobody would know...until I land on something with a *plop*

But then, I look at the other people. They're condition is physically worse than mine, yet they are fighting to live. Me right here, with low blood sugar, low red blood cell count, a loveless mind, and a heart made of concrete is thinking of giving in. That's pathetic. But I say to myself, it was only a thought. Only.

Love You Forever - Ryan Huston

If ever you needed to talk 
You could talk to me 
Oh, could you talk to me? 
If ever you feel like you're lost 
You can count on me 
I'll find you a way 
When the lights go out 
In the Universe 
I'll be next to you 
I'll be next to you 
And I surrender myself 
To you 
I'll love you forever 
I'll like you for always 
For always 
Together we'll be 
I'll love you forever 
I'll like you for always 
For always 
Together we'll be 
Yeah 
Together we'll be 
Yeah 
If ever you're too sick to walk 
I'd carry you 
And take care of you 
If ever you feel scared and alone 
I'd hold you 
And I'd just hold you 
When the lights go out 
In the universe 
I'll be next to you 
I'll be next to you 
And I surrender myself 
To you 
I'll love you forever 
I'll like you for always 
For always 
Together we'll be 
I'll love you forever 
I'll like you for always 
For always 
Together we'll be 
And when you get cold 
Just like you do 
I'll give you my coat 
Cause I'm here for you 
And as we grow old 
I promise to love you with every breath 
That is true 
When the lights go out 
In the universe 
I'll be next to you 
You'll be next to me 
And I surrender myself 
And I surrender myself 
To you 
I'll love you forever 
I'll like you for always 
For always 
Together we'll be 
I'll love you forever 
I'll like you for always 
For always 
Together we'll be 

By the River

Eyes

• White clouds
• Light blue sky
• Church chapel
• Junk on the other side
• Monuments
• Benches
• Hand prints
• Torches and fire
• Water
• Trees
• Wooden bridge
• Bikes
• Teens
• Love

Nose

• Fish
• Trees
• Laundry detergent
• Sweetness
• Wood
• Love

Mouth

• Water
• Salad
• Gum

Ears

• Birds
• Voices
• Cars
• Church bell
• Mexican music
• Footsteps
• Laughter
• Wind
• Love

Hands

• Cell phone
• Fuzzies
• Boxes
• Cloth
• Sweat
• Paper
• Money
• Metal
• Glass
• Plastic 
• Seats
• Tears
• Tissue
• Love

Reasons

In this world, this lifetime, there are many many reasons. Reasons are the ideas from someone that we hear the most. Something as simple as, "Because I said so," could be a reason to turn away from a decision. Whether the decision was a good or bad one, there's always a reason behind it. Sometimes I think if I debate with myself enough times, even if the decision is wrong and unethical, it just might be alright to do.

I first got this idea when I saw a page on Facebook that said something like, "If it was legal to kill people, you would be dead by now." Then, I saw the TV show "Dexter." Dexter is a forensic scientist (and psychopath) that tracks down and murders serial killers. In a way, he is doing the world a favor by getting rid of a monster. But, he's a monster himself...and what makes him killing serial killers right? It doesn't, that's why it's all a big lie and act to the ones that don't know or understand him at all.

It's things like these that strikes the crazy idea in my mind to ponder if it would be right to do ___________ to _______________. Or not do ___________ for _________________ because I think __________________________________. At the end of the day, I just realize these are mad thoughts. Thoughts that come to me when I'm stressed, in pain, scared...Oh, and of course angry too. :P

Can't Lose It

Your every move makes me smile and laugh. It's that pathetic and unbelievable...but I keep falling for it. We just can't lose hope, can we?
6:30AM

LOL

You rip me apart. The things you say and do let's me down. It brings burning tears to my eyes. Life seems so dead when I know the truth. It makes a whole lot of sense now why people lie, sugar coat things, or not say anything at all. I wish that I never found out...I would still be smiling and hopeful right now. Lol, everything is just a "Whatever" now, and I am numb. I am numb and cold. But it's a coldness that cannot be felt. You know what I mean?

Fool 10/12/2010

What does is feel like to hallucinate, live in the past (a memory), feel like and be called a fool? You feel crazy, stupid, and hateful. You lose the trust in almost everything or everyone that mattered to you. It's not about finding a replacement to fill the emptiness, it's about knowing what you want and don't want. For now, I know what I want to kick off the list...that's about half of the world's population. PEACE OUT. >:0

Memories

Quotes from World Studies' Class :D (9/10/2010)

1. "History is what the present chooses to remember about the past."

2. "History is written by the winners."

3. "Where you stand determines what you see." 

While waiting for a ride home at piano school...(9/13/2010)

"The Only Exception"

-Paramore 6:36PM = Inspiration.

You are the only exception, _____________. Sometimes, I wonder if you'd give a care if I disappeared one day. Do you ever miss me? What we had was short, but I still have so much to tell you, even after two weeks and three days. It seems that you have no idea how much you meant to me. Well, I wasn't lying when I told you that you're almost my everything. Everything is falling through...even though everything came collapsing down on me already.

^^That was the start of my new song. I am currently still working on it, and I have different versions of the similar idea. Because of certain songs (like Paramore's), I am inspired to write my own...it's more personal this way. <3 

Going Back To It

Do you have one of those moments where you wish you could relive? Maybe it was because of something that you accomplished, or who you were with, or maybe it's neither and it was just the peacefulness that captivates you. Wouldn't it be great that you could actually rewind to that day and relive it? We may not admit that we want to go back, but secretly, our minds probably want to.

I am not quite sure if this counts, but I somehow did go back in time and relived an event in my life. This was recent;about a good two - three months ago...but on October 12th, 2010, I watched myself and everything that happened within those three months in a dream that lasted around 20 minutes? It's fascinating how three months of memories can be squeezed into a short 20 minutes, but still feel the same. I woke up, thinking that the dream was real. The dream uplifted my mood and sent me in a world that has been foreign to me for a month and a half.

Looking in the mirror, I realized that I was mistaken. The image of myself shot me back to reality. I realized that it was October 12th, not July or August something. Oh right, I also have two tests...and I have school...and I'm about to be late...Lol...

But really, I didn't want to relive that moment. I wanted to move on...I try so hard to escape and run away from my past. Dreaming of that felt like a stab in the heart and getting hit in the head with a bucket until you hear bells ringing in your ears. But that's okay, I'm living in reality now, not a dream.

10/12/2010

10/12/2010
x_x Stressful day:
~ Driver's Ed Test :(
~ The Crucible Test (I completely did not expect it...I have no idea where I was when McCarthy mentioned it. Haha, yeah, I didn't pay attention to that part. 0_o)
~ Vocabulary 1 +2 Test (I was prepared for it! Darn procrastination...but I got it together, so it's okay.)

UPSIDE:
~ Omar's birthday (:
~ Longgggg division ^_~

*I'm looking for inspiration. But right now, everything is bland because their souls are all hollow. Maybe it will come to me by HALLOWEEEEN :)
What to do? PaRtY ;) What to be? ... O_o Where to go? 6 Flags :D

Starting Point

Sometimes I look at the pictures and sigh. A small smile cheats my feeling of sadness, but I catch myself enjoying the memories. I remember how I wanted to forget everything, even myself and just start fresh. No, I don't want that anymore. The memories were so sweet...and they still are. They were lessons that had to be learned. Now, it's just a funny story. A rather cute one. They say that there are happy tears...I believe that because I had shed an ocean. Memories are meant to be captured and kept (like picture, heh? :)). So, let this be the start of my "Summer 2010 - Spring 2011" album...? (: <3 <3 <3  

Why I Write

Everyone writes for different reasons. Some people do it because it's their job. There's a handful that write because it "looks good." Then there's the rest of us that write simply because we feel like it. But that idea is still too general for me. To be more personal, I'd say that I write because it's a technique that I use to vent my emotions somewhere. Taking it all out on paper or this blog for instance is a lot easier and safer than on a person. 

I may not seem excited, aggressive, or violent on most days, but there's a lot that you can't tell. Introvert or whatever you call it, life just seems better when it's quiet and you can just sit down and record everything. It doesn't have to be quality writing...but if you just write down the most striking moments in your life and you end up looking back at it one day after however many years, months, or weeks, it's a special feeling. It's like somebody made an album of your life for you; except you did it all yourself without realizing it. I write to be me. 

Oh Coffee, How I Love and Hate You.

Dear Coffee,

     I know that for the past few years we have not had a really loving relationship. =\ But to tell you the truth, I sincerely love you. Your scent is mouth-watering...Your taste is delicious (though it can be deadly afterwards). -Sigh- Every time when I learn to love you, you give me a heart attack. You must not know what it feels like. Well, it's a terrible type of pressure on your heart and everything is compressed...causing a massive headache. I wish I could do these things to you too...But you're just Coffee. So, if you could do me a huge favor, can you please stop being a %*(^ah# !%&12 9*^#TY*()@#@ @@JK G(92860??????!?!?!?!?!?! (: Thank you.

Love, 

Loo-Loo

Collection of Thoughts

When the Whole World Rejects You, Learn to Accept Yourself.
July 2008


I care enough to let go.
2/10/2010


My life literally flashed before my eyes...or should I say the love of my life did? ;)
7/20/2010


Last day...Oh no... :(it was sweet though.
7/30/2010


One month (:
8/20/2010


If I could freeze time, I'd stay here forever and ever and ever till the end of time...but then again, there isn't an end to time is there?...So I guess, I'll stay here for eternity.
8/21/2010


The. End.(Vanessa: Please control yourself! :( I'm worried about you)
8/27/2010


I forgot to tell you that there's an expiration date for every relationship...Sorry!
8/30/2010




永远不能放弃
8/31/2010


"...Back to yesterday, safe tonight. I feel the sun creepin up like tick tock. I'm tryin to keep you in my head, but if not..."
--Please Don't Go.
8/31/2010


If my life was a garden, he/she would be a weed. And I would pull him/her right out of the ground--out of my life and set his/her roots on fire. Yeah, burn in hell...You're useless anyway.
9/12/2010


Seriously? On my dear old Dad's birthday?! How dare you...
9/17/2010


P.S. I'm still not over you.
Everything reminds me of you.
I miss you.
I wish we were still together.
I miss how we used to be.
9/18/2010


When I look into your eyes,
I find that everything's a lie.
9/19/2010


Twenty.
9/20/2010


1 month ago was chill and sweet.
Forever 21 with Vanessa after school (:
M.S. tennis tournament (12:30PM) at UIC...? 
9/21/2010


Happy Birthday, Aunt!!
9/24/2010


Twenty Seventh.-sigh-
Missed piano class...sick to the stomach.
9/27/2010


"Oh that's alright...I see. It's okay, I'm okay...don't worry about it" That's 5 lies at once, I'm a beast.
HOMECOMING 2010
LET ME IN <--Beastly.
10/2/2010


Love never dies, it just fades.
We don't lose people, we just replace them and carry on.
It never stops hurting, we just smile bigger and laugh louder.
10/5/2010


You're my Sunday. You're my Monday. You're my Life.
If I stabbed you in the heart and drained your blood, would you still come back to life?
10/6/2010


If you can't tell me the truth, then don't even bother telling me anything because I don't want to know that you lied to me.

10/9/2010

Bows and Arrows

Bows & Arrows - two different tools that somehow are bounded together and work together for eternity. Smiles, tears, and bloodshed follow.

On the right side of her pelvic area lies a set of bow and arrow. Tinted with a shade of black that eats away the glory and innocence of love. The outer lining is a hint of red. So dead that it falls close to the color of the fading pigment of red roses...slowly browning then all that is left are scraps of darkness. 

It all started with her curiosity. She fell in love with a bow and arrow. How she wanted the bow and arrow all to herself for years to come. In her mind, a maelstrom of ideas and plans for her and the bow and arrow's future blossomed. The time came and she could no longer hold her thirst for it. At once, she demanded the bow and arrow to be imprinted in her heart, on her mind, and tattooed on the right side of her pelvic area. 

Butterflies flapped in her stomach, a waterfall of emotions fluttered in her heart, and smiles stretched a mile wide on her innocent face. She thought of taking the bow and arrow to her favorite restaurant. So in love with it, she imagined cuddling with the precious bow and arrow. She wanted to love the bow and arrow with all of her heart, giving everything and anything that she could. Sacrifice was not a problem, she just expected one thing in return. She said, "Please have it stay beautiful." 

It surely was beautiful and the greatest on day one. Day two. Day three. Day four...But as if she was tricked, the tattoo faded and disappeared over night with a burning sensation. Perhaps this bow and arrow was cursed. How could something this permanent disappear without a warning? They had a promise, but it was broken. It did not stay beautiful. It left a burn on the skin. It left a scar of a bow and arrow. What a burn. 

For days, she cried in immense pain. Weeks went by and the scar remained. Trying to cover it up with ointments and band-aids, the scar persisted to stay. To this day, it remains on her skin. But, no longer does it hurt anymore. In fact, I caught her secretly smiling at the imprinted bow and arrow on her skin...I guess it's now that the scar really "disappeared."